if i must see you in my dreams, please don't wake me...

yeah..had an epiphany...about..? one of the reasons why i always wanted to move outta the house a.s.a.p.
because my colleague once told me..the more you tell yourself..i don't wanna become like that..or similar..you will be...instead, say things like..i wanna be like this..or that..
then it'll happen..
so my mom was having one of her episodes again..yeah..i'm personally starting to think that she actually is crazy..
i've always told myself..i don't wanna be like her when i grow up..i don't want my kids to go through what i've been through..i don't want them cursing me, hating me behind me..

and it's too late for me because..i'm already somewhat like her..*thank god i realize* and i'm trying my very best to not be like her..but i don't know who i wanna be like...maybe like Katrina's mom ( my friend) but somewhat..better...her mom's too lenient... but definately not like my mom.... and why i've always wanna move out..which just hit me today..the longer i stay with her, the more of her crazy shit ass character rubs into me...and i've always wondered..why do i have stress? and it's not self diagnized..the doctor did...and i'm starting to think..it's because of her..!! so yeah..if i can just..be patient for a year or two..i'll survive..i've been patient for 20years..2-3 more years should..be..fine... i must have the courage..and not run away from it.. MUST..BE..PATIENT..!!