if i must see you in my dreams, please don't wake me...

i dun like disappointing ppl..making promises i'm not sure if i can fulfil them..
making hopes n dreams but nvr being able to make it happen...
and it's the 2nd time? but...the bad thing is... i actually wanted to go..
i actually..wanted to go..i actually made an effort to make it happen..i actually did all that i could..
all that i want to..whole day..just doing that..
wat happened? i tot i dun wanna go through this again? wat am i hiding from? wat am i avoiding from? who am i trying to kid? i'm leaving 2mrw night.. i make it sound like..i'm totally leaving n not coming back...because that's just how i feel...and when i'm back..no one is around anymore...everyone is away..i've no one to celebrate chrsitmas with..and no one to celebrate new year with...
schooling was more fun....there is always sum1 there...
and to think..i actually wish..i'm still going thru SPM now...
wat has happened? just a month..was all it takes..a month of almost everyday...
starting college nxt year...january intake and i still dunno whr my parents wanna send me..either TAR or HELP..i die also dun wanna go TAR..i dun wanna go there...
but life has many paths n things u dunno that might happen...

i wonder..if i can wake up in peace tomorrow...
i wonder..if i'll remember wat was supposed to happen...
i wonder..if i'll be still like this...
i can't sleep...why does it have such a big effect on me?
it's not supposed to..i'm hurting myself...
i can't sleep....i've a flight 2mrw..i haven't packed a single thing..
i need to sleep..i just came back from camerons today..
i need sleep.....but i can't sleep..
WHY THE F*CK M I DOING THIS TO MYSELF..