if i must see you in my dreams, please don't wake me...

well...bcoz of my laziness in updating my daily life..
i cause misunderstanding especially to amily
sorry ya darling..
well...i'm going to UCSI not TARC..
eheh...dun worry le..i'm still travelling every morning wd suyen to college...hahahaha
coolness!! planning to rent room together somewhr near sumore.. eheh

i found out something i dun wanna find out...
which i totally forgotten and chucked it aside..
everytime talk to dadah also she'll dig out all my true feelings n make me accept the fact..
and face the truth..no hiding..
sigh..

9 more days till january intake begins..
i made a painful decision today..
a decision i know that i will regret and have to work hard for..
a decision that will change my life..
9 days more..i panicked..i had to decide for my parents which college i wanna go..
i can't wait anymore..
i can't stand the stress..
dad wants me to go TARC..
mom wants me to go TAYLORS..
i...wanna go HELP..
but we finally toned down to HELP or TARC..
and today..i couldn't wait anymore..
i hate TARC...
i said it before.i die also dun wanna go TARC..
today...on xmas eve..
i filled in TARC's application form..
in tears..
it's the easiest way for me..
and i noe my dad doesn't wanna spend so much on my Alevels..
so chose...TARC..
i'll regret my decision..
but it's my responsibility..
for i had made the decision..
on my own will..
that i chose TARC..
i chose it..
i endure it..
i guess it's for the best..
i think.. today..
i grew up a little..
it is a path i'm willing to shed tears for..
to make my dad happy..
and i'm gonna have to work for it..
it's my future..
i want that degree..
i gotta be tough to endure life..
because in life..u always get wat u don't want..
and not get wat u want..

thailand was..okay le...i went there...no..i reached there...at...can't remember..at night..coz thai an hour earlier than msia ma..so aniwei..i reached there at night den check into the hotel...
had a double decker bus ..so chunted..went by tour ma..den we went....to alot of rubbish shows that were wasting our time like the stupid bee farm, snake farm, crocodile farm, herb farm, the stupid zoo... then we went to many shopping areas..
eh!! who said the things were like drop dead cheap? they were SLIGHTLY cheaper only la..
and those things..can be seen in msia itself..jsut that in thailand got MORE varieties and designs.
etc la..i bought some souvenirs la...haha...how can i not mann? i miss you guys so much!!
yalah..i wanted to buy y'all slippers but guess wat..when i reached there...YOU PPL FORGOT TO TELL ME UR SHOE SIZE!! stupid...so funny k!! but i got something else instead...and den...we went to the theme park lo...it's called DREAM WORLD ...funny rite? it was fun!! and the queue wasn't as long as genting..
not only that le..the rides are long and the "operator" he was like a DJ...he puts the ride as long as he likes and makes funny jokes and teases the people and all...damn long mann the rides... most things in the theme park are cheap...cotton candy..twice the size in msia ..only 150 baht..which is 1.50 la..cheap!! and the soft toys..in genting..they're all..SO FREAKING TINY..like..one hand..in DreamWorld..they're all half ur body..like..your upper body..they're all HUGE mann!! and so cute!!
den got wat le>? hmm....we went to the beach!!! in some island..sat speed boat..i sat in front..coz the sea was rough...IT wAS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER MANN!! even more syok than a roller coaster!! den...just go to the beach..read ERAGON!! den balik..oh..play a bit in the sea ..stuff like that.. hahaha...
okla..nothing much la...i still like BALI better =P aniwei..got lotsa things happened la..but forget about it...all these trips..not like u can always remember everything so.. =P hehe
ciaoz~~

i dun like disappointing ppl..making promises i'm not sure if i can fulfil them..
making hopes n dreams but nvr being able to make it happen...
and it's the 2nd time? but...the bad thing is... i actually wanted to go..
i actually..wanted to go..i actually made an effort to make it happen..i actually did all that i could..
all that i want to..whole day..just doing that..
wat happened? i tot i dun wanna go through this again? wat am i hiding from? wat am i avoiding from? who am i trying to kid? i'm leaving 2mrw night.. i make it sound like..i'm totally leaving n not coming back...because that's just how i feel...and when i'm back..no one is around anymore...everyone is away..i've no one to celebrate chrsitmas with..and no one to celebrate new year with...
schooling was more fun....there is always sum1 there...
and to think..i actually wish..i'm still going thru SPM now...
wat has happened? just a month..was all it takes..a month of almost everyday...
starting college nxt year...january intake and i still dunno whr my parents wanna send me..either TAR or HELP..i die also dun wanna go TAR..i dun wanna go there...
but life has many paths n things u dunno that might happen...

i wonder..if i can wake up in peace tomorrow...
i wonder..if i'll remember wat was supposed to happen...
i wonder..if i'll be still like this...
i can't sleep...why does it have such a big effect on me?
it's not supposed to..i'm hurting myself...
i can't sleep....i've a flight 2mrw..i haven't packed a single thing..
i need to sleep..i just came back from camerons today..
i need sleep.....but i can't sleep..
WHY THE F*CK M I DOING THIS TO MYSELF..

something happened that i never wanna admit..
and i'm not in a good mood but....today made me realize..
i wish suyen didn't bang it into my head...sigh..
i'm leaving to thailand 2mrw night.....
i'll be back on the 23rd........sigh..i dun even have the guts to type it out..
or to even admit it out...why ar???
somebody kick me pls...i'm unable to be contacted till 23rd..anyone miss me??
when i come back..i'll be alone...........celebrating xmas alone..new year alone...
why does the sun..going shining?
i'm going cuckoo..sigh..

yeah mann!! this morning...we went basketball..and also played badminton on the bball court..
me,abby,dadah,azuwa dan suyen..along wd andrew n chuan zhou...HAHA..IT'S WAS FUN!!
we played till like 9 something den badminton till 10 something 11? so fun le....
and the thing was...WE PLAYED BETTER TODAY THAN SATURDAY WD THE JUNIORS...consider urself lucky juniors!!~ =P
it was fun.....den we played den.....hahahaha...the two stupid fellows went n pee in the bush!! HAHAHAHA...funny rite? i can't believe it mann!! after that we went to eat at A&W...azuwa burst in n tapau food suddenly..HAHAHA..so funny.... sigh......fun fun fun...i love basketball!!
badminton is just as fun!!
but guess wat..my foot didn't hurt on the court..after A&W i was back to limping again..hahaa...
maybe i should really put my legs to rest.. i play bball till sot d...or today..bball n badminton..HAHA...

basketball...was just SO FUN eventho we lost but HEY!! we memang karat d ma...
u juniors wait till we get back our skills...den we'll trash u....WORSE THAN YDAY!! ahhaha..
i syok sendiri =P
but there r prices u gotta pay for torturing them..sigh... besides than the usual body ache on saturdays after bball..i dunno wat's wrong with my knee... it hurts when i put it straight and..
sigh...i'm limping...and i forgot to wear my ankle protector n i almost twisted my left ankle ...
it just hurt a bit but..THANK GOD it didn't get twisted again..or i'll be in crutches again...
sigh..but...BASKETBALL is worth all this so..hahaha..cut the crap and ENJOY since there's no more SPM ~

6th of december...
I OFFICIALLY finish SPM today!!~
I WON SUYEN IN BACKGAMMON for the first time!!~
and .....I FREAKING DROVE A FREAKING CAR!!!

yeh yeh!!~ SPM is finalyl freaking over mann!!
thinking back... just think/imagine~
we're never :
- gonna go to school to study again
- never seeing the same old faces every morning again
- never wearing that uniform again
- might never be seeing those faces of assunta EVER AGAIN
- never gonna break school rules again
- never gonna gang up n prank ppl
- no more backstabbing teachers together
- many more things!!

just think back..all those memories u've left behind..
all those "forbidden marks" u left in sch that'll stay forever..
those times where we make stupid n lame jokes n laugh like shit over them
they're all but memories...
we might never be seeing some frens anymore..
SPM maybe a relieving thing to get through but... it's also a sign to tell u..