if i must see you in my dreams, please don't wake me...

i need help..

i need someone who understands what i’m going through…

i’ve never been more lost in my life than i am now…

it seems that every major decision in my life is waiting for my answer now…

i’m so lost…

everyone is born in a cage….

but not everyone realizes that their whole life’s been encaged..

and when some break free, some of us can only shed our tears and drown in our pool of sadness,

some are comfortable in their cages and some don’t even realize it..

and for those of us in our cages, drowning in our pool of sorrow..which from what i know, many of my buddies… (not cursing you guys)

it’s okay..we’re all in the same boat~

that’s why God let us find each other…

He gave us hands to pull each other out of our pool of sorrow,

He gave us speech so that our words may comfort each other,

He gave us ears so that we may listen to each other’s tales,

He gave us eyes to see through our masks and know of our sorrows,

……this post sounds too emo…… let’s add a bit of “me” in it~

He gave us noses so that we may smell the food we have during our emo yumcha time~

We have each other, so don’t shy away in times of trouble..

Though we have differences, we’re here for each other…

~~ o ~~

On another hand, it’s great to have you back JieYing~ teehee~ ^^

what you said out of adrenaline..or whatever hormone rushing through your brain just to argue with what i have to say almost brought me to tears…

i know what i want is merely to give myself an ounce of hope… but you caged it almost instantly… and it felt hurtful..

but it’s okay…..a short talk with my besties gave me a picture of what you may be thinking on your side.. it’s okay for now…

for those of you who watch WongFu Productions..i’d like to quote their song :

It’s the end of the week, a wongfu week..it’s wongfu weekends~!!!

though it’s not MY wongfu weekend..but..it’s the weekend..and the last day of my holiday.. surprisingly, it has been quite an eventful holiday…how ironic…the last holiday i have..(hopefully) for this degree course and i finally filled the 2 week with activities!! woohoo~

so how were my holidays??? i actually can’t really remember… hahaha… well i started of with an “otaku” holiday..stayed at home..played PC games..and the ps3~ and then…i stayed over at andrew’s place…had movie marathon…which i so dearly miss… and i went to work on Sunday and Monday at Machines.. little did i know that those were my last days because…….. (..to be continued..)

then tuesday i went to the office for this small interview thingie for my internship.. then all became a blur… i forgot what i was doing~ then saturday, my family and i went for a short one night trip to Gohtong Jaya at Genting…with my internship boss’s family and another family.. my dad, the boss and the other guy were high school mates… and they were like kids…. goodness..

came back on Sunday evening…which i was supposed to be working at Machines…my last day..but my mom ……imposed her law..and said i have to go for this trip…then had an awesome lunch at CCC with hueyuen, penny, david chio, eunice, ganesh, audrey and aw~ Purpose of lunch? thank them for helping me in my grad..which i passed so they don’t have to help me again~

anyhoo, went back to Ipoh on Monday night…then we went for supper..!!! had ice-kacang…and Hor Hee~ very very nice~ good food with cheap price~ then tuesday, we went to my aunt’s house for Raya~ AWESOME FOOOOODDD…!! had lemang with corn in it.. and the serunding was heavenly!!~

then we went for a short game of badminton…and then went back to my aunt’s house again to eat dinner… bwahhahhahaha…!!! the following day, we went to Sunway Lost World Tambun…not a bad place…looks almost exactly to the our sunway.. the rides there..probably hit 20% in a 100% excitement bar..very boring… the petting zoo (according to my mom) was lovely…the animals in the petting zoo are probably thinking …

STOP TOUCHING ME..STOP TOUCHING ME…STOP TOUCHING ME… THIS IS A TORTURE SECTION!!!!

i mean, hey, you’ll never know what they’re thinking….

i also got this terrible tan from this trip…

my arms, face and back of the neck..all bright red and PAINFUL… my nose just started peeling…it’ll probably take some time for everything to start peeling… only i got such a terrible tan.. because it’s been a good year since i’ve seen Mr.Sun!!! my grandma said i look so much better now..i don’t look sick anymore..  

well, that tan is equivalent to the amount of sun i’m gonna get this year.. no more sun..till nxt year August~

i came back on thursday…and i went out with andrew on Friday…we had food…quite a lot of food… xD

now that i realize…this whole holiday has been lots of food… I WANNA LOSE THE PHATS…!!!! how?!!!

sigh..andrew is in Fraser’s Hill now…. i miss him so much…who knows if our times match when i start internship..tomorrow..and we will be able to meet each other? not to mention, i think i’m having andrew withdrawal symptoms.. been sickish since he left… could be a psychological matter though.. or i’m really falling sick due to massive amounts… i miss you…so much…

I’m about to lose my mind,

You’ve been gone for so long,

I’m running out of time.

I need a doctor,

Call me a doctor,

I need a doctor, doctor,

To bring me back to life.

tomoko out~

yep…my lovely cake from Karen has been stabbed by Hueyuen with forks disguising as candles..

sincerely, i thank you guys for the presents and cake… they’re loverly~

and especially to the silly jieying who drove all the way to my house..and give me my present… thank you!!!  

now i’m just seriously hoping that andrew…really doesn’t buy me a nerf gun….. i don’t want a nerf gun..!!!!!!!!!

why is it extra useful..? because i lost my pencil box… I LOST MY PENCIL BOX..!!!!!! and i’m living with only 2 pens and no pencil…i used to have over 10 pens, 3-4 markers…blades, pocket knives, erasers..metal rulers…stapler…and lovely metal paper clips…. all gone… though stuff in my pencil case may sound deadly..I LOVE IT TO BITS..!!!

anyhoo, thanks Karen..!!!

thanks..shou much…. and thanks to my mom too… for giving me angpau eventhough she already got me a Ray Ban sunglasses earlier in the year~ i need money now.. and i’m like… *teary eye and all* thanks mom! you don’t have to.. and my mom said, it’s tradition..or something~

okay..this post is kinda like a thank you post to my close friends..!! for your effort and support, especially during times like these..when i have no money..you guys buy me KoKo Banana to drink and buy me chips and chocolate… so touched… and your encouragement for me to continue with my grad, all the help.. and Eunice mommy starting to nag me to practice…and jieying rooting for me!! thanks thanks!!

As penny said, no matter how many times i thank you also no use..she said i must show you the money…but now i got no money…after my grad (hopefully, my machines cheque come out d) THEN I BELANJA GO CCC!!!!!!!!!

lots of hugs and kisses,

xoxoxoxo

*in indian accent* yep..totally forgot about my birthday at first because..

*british accent* i was doing sequencing the whole day..!!! and only ANDREW kept making a big fuss out of it…he KEEPS REMINDING ME..!!

though i had a very thankful snack of chips and chocolate from penny when the clock struck at sinful 12am…(fattening) i’m STILL doing sequence… with not an ounce nor whiff of andrew for the whole 24hours of my birthday…

i DON’T want a Nerf gun…andrew.. I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY DO NOT WANT A NERF GUN FOR MY 22ND BIRTHDAY..!!

you know very well what i want and i can’t have it……..

and my sequence sounds like crap…….

yes yes...another lovey dovey post...

actually, i've always thought about things like..we've been together for so long...what if we get bored of doing the same things? but happily so far, i haven't..i don't know about him~

yet, in this world, there are still so many things we haven't done together~

on wednesday, he accompanied me to pay my rock school exam fees in Mont Kiara..i wasn't sure where it is..so i asked him to follow me...we decided to have dinner together..so from Plaza Mont Kiara..around 3 something..we drove to Solaris to find lunch~ and after our lovely lunch at Euro Deli inside Cold Storage...i brought him to Tropicana City Mall which he hasn't been before... we walked around...and he finally bought his Gundam Dynasty 3...cheap~ thanks to me!!!

for dinner, he wanted good pasta...so i said, why not CCC? they have macaroons!! and so we did..!!! lovely..it was shou lovely.. we played Scrabble..which he won..his luck+vocab teamed up so well.. in the end he score about 250 points and i've only got 147~ we've been into board games lately~ played chess with him the other day in Starbucks..it was kinda like a draw since there was only his King and Queen and my King and Queen~

According to his observation, he's good with managing lots of chess pieces and i'm good with managing fewer chess pieces..thus the draw~

anyhoo, the macaroons at CCC were absolutely delicious~ my first macaroon..with andrew sumore~ loverly~ loverly~ loverly~
that was the end of that lovely, peaceful and relaxing wednesday which we rarely go paktor like that~

tonight, he teman me to watch Battle of the Bands at Backyard @ Sri Hartamas~
you don't know then, but baby, if u're reading this..i was really happy that u decided to go with me~ and i get so so happy when you mix well with my friends....

so yeah, as everyday passes by with you by my side, happier and happier, knowing that my life will be lit with you in the future, as long as we are together... thank you for taming the violent and frustrating waves in my life with tender love and care.
愛してる~

so yeah…i’ve just updated my windows live messenger upon seeing andrew’s WLM…looking so high-tech and all.. huh..still not used to it though..MSN Messenger was my time mann..why is it called Windows Live now?!! and so, they’ve installed this thingie called “My Blog” or the program currently running now is called..Windows Live Writer and i’m kinda testing it out now..no big deal..looks like Microsoft Word with my blog layout to write…though it does look a little…wrong??? hmm…

but of course, without a doubt, eventhough blogspot may have some glitches…id’d still prefer to blog there with my Firefox because of my awesome emoticon plug-ins only available via firefox~

sweetie, thank you for all those times where you held me close and let me cry without questioning me and just giving me time to finish... thank you for understanding all the time..and taking the effort to find out what's wrong with me no matter how long it takes for you to dig it out from me..

wheeeee~ i'm free...done with assignments and also exams..!! also, the fahrenheit money finally came...after jieying's questionaires and also the craziness going on in school, i'm happy i've someone else i can turn to for support and for me to feel more secure~


i mean..the question is always the same, how do you know he's the right one??

Honestly, if you knew, or if for the matter everyone knew who's right for you and vice versa, there wouldn't be all these divorce cases and two-timers.. but for me, i'm comfortable with andrew..he gives me what i need..emotional support..and always being able to lift all the bad stuff away from me..

of course, different people have different needs in life...some girls might want to have a mature, financially capable guy to make them feel secure...some may want materialistic things to feel secure..some just want attention...there are many...the only person who knows whether your other half is the right one is yourself.. after all that thinking, weighing and decision making... there's also the possibility that..your other half doesn't think you're the right one... life just isn't all about you... sad but true~

andrew's definitely what i want..whether i'm what he wants is a risk i'm willing to take..
if i were to have done something wrong to have lose him, i will definitely regret it...because i know i'll never find someone like him out there..there's only one him in this world~
if he had a change of heart, that's just my luck....it's sad but you should also be thankful for what you have had rather than have had none...

the other day, on FLY FM they were saying, at what stage does it count as flirt or something like that.. and this guy says it's okay to flirt UNTIL you're married~

my opinion..all girls think differently~

that guy's kinda right..i mean, you're not married yet and sometimes, flirting comes in handy..
maybe the guy wants a paper filed in the office and it wouldn't hurt to mention how pretty the lady was or ask if she had a new hairdo~

and it's actually quite normal for guys with girlfriends to oogle at other girls..i mean, hey..all you can do is stare..for that while..so go ahead~ and if even the girl can't stop staring at the other girl, he can stare as long as he wants~

i'm starting to realize i can be REAL random sometimes as my blog posts/topics are kinda unrelated even though in the same category~ hmmmm.......

anyhoo, another random warp to a mental note to andrew :

sweetie, we may have some unecessary insecurities about each other..but i love you very much and i know you love me very much too... ^^ because... i feel it in fingers, i feel it in my bones.. (inside joke) and i'd like to think that it's not always that you can feel that the other half actually feels how much you're being loved..so, you're not getting rid of me that easily.. *hugz*

finally went to Coffee Chemistry Cafe wit andrew last night~ it was shou naish~
i mean..it was kinda nicely romantic-ish for me..because it was windy and all..just the two of us.. in a naish cafe..with good coffee and food~ we spent the whole night there~ we played blackjack..the whole night..who knew?? we were wagering on kisses..and being the egoistic and competitive us, it became fun~
conclusion: i can't keep my poker face infront of andrew..!!
why is that bad? because u're supposed to find someone/partner whom you can decipher and read.. and he's got that point covered..i'm the one being the transparent glass~
he read through ALL MY BLOODY CARDS!! i lost...in short....... anyhoo, this is our nomz~

our last cuppa coffee that had coffee art in it!~ erm....Caramel Latte if i'm not mistaken~

my pizza~ it was kinda unique..the top is actually a mixture of eggs and cheese..it had andrew's favourite stuffings in it... chicken, mushrooms, onions and capcicum...all his favs~

captured at the right moment..licking his lips as he digs into the scrumptious spaghetti~

what's left of our pumpkin and capcicum soup~ t'was naish!

swimming together : Check!
one more thing of our couple to-do list... he said..we're crossing out more and more things on our list..... and i said, not to worry..there's still many things we haven't done together...

i wonder if he'll bungee jump with me...
that kinda reminded me of what my aunt said... when you're young..do as much as you can..!!
and i said..yes..!! bungee jump... and suddenly she said.. NOOOO!!! not THAT dangerous..nothing life risking... pfft~

swimming today was fun...it's been awhile since i swam..and i've never seen andrew swim...
anyhoo, i'm the faster swimmer..!! teehee~ it's fun today because...i get to hear him laugh a lot..not just his usual chuckle and fake laugh...but real HARR HARR HARR kind of laugh.. which is my favourite.... after the tiring swim, we went mamak~ hungry~
then we went back to his place...and watched...Mythbusters..!!! we keep saying like..today's the last day..(that was friday) but we met up today..and today really is the last day....last day of his holidays..we're still gonna meet every week..it's just that...it's not gonna be everyday anymore.. one of the luxuries that i can't have.....in a way, it's a luxury la~

hahahhaa...anyway, anybody wants to help me find Fusion songs for my grad?! i'm out of ideas...
major teacher rather picky with song choices........